Word of the Assistant Vice President of Claims' habits spread throughout his kingdom and beyond. Two parts merchants who had heard of the Assistant Vice President of Claim's frugality decided to take advantage of it. They introduced themselves at the gates of the corporate palace with a scheme in mind.

"We are two very good parts sellers and after many years of selling trinkets, mud flaps and accessories, we have done much research and have invented an extraordinary method to produce autobody parts that are so inexpensive and fine that their differences from the originals are invisible. The quality of these parts lies in their low price, not in the part itself. As a matter of fact, any difference is invisible to everyone unless they are stupid and incompetent and unable to fully appreciate this kind of quality."

The chief of the guards heard the parts sellers' strange story and sent for the Assistant Vice President of Claims' underling. The underling notified the Senior Claims Manager, who ran to the Assistant Vice President of Claims and disclosed the incredible news. The Assistant Vice President of Claims' curiosity got the better of him and he decided to see the two parts sellers.

Upon meeting the Assistant Vice President of Claims, they explained once again that the beauty of these parts is the price, not the part itself.

"And any differences between the original and our parts will be invisible because the price is the quality, your Highness," they told him. "We'll even give them fancy certifications to show everyone how great they are."

The Assistant Vice President of Claims gave the two men a bag of gold coins in exchange for their promise to begin working on the parts immediately.

The two parts sellers asked for a commitment, more money and a decision on what name to call these inexpensive parts, and then they began working. The Assistant Vice President of Claims thought he had spent his money quite well; in addition to getting a new way to save money, he would discover which of his subjects were stupid and incompetent.

A few days later, he called his old and wise predecessor who mentored him throughout his career and also had a penchant for saving money at any cost.

"Go and see how the work is proceeding," the Vice President of Claims told him, "and come back to let me know."

After an arduous journey to Tiawanoli and Memphistonia by way of Keystonapolis, the mentor was welcomed by the two parts sellers.

"We're almost finished, but we need more commitments and more money. Here, your Excellency, admire these parts and see the quality!" The old man bent over the parts and immediately saw the differences in the parts from the originals. He tried to see the quality of the steel or the consistency of the welds but realized there was more to this than he knew. He felt cold sweat on his forehead.

"I can't see the quality of the steel," he thought, "but I sure can see the differences in the shape and the welds. If I see these differences that means I'm stupid! Or even worse, incompetent!"

He knew if he admitted that he did see these differences, word would spread to the board of directors or the CEO, he would be discharged from his office for being stupid and incompetent and not wanting to save the kingdom money. His entire reputation was on the line. Then he remembered: the quality is in the price!

"What a marvelous part," he said. "I'll certainly tell the Assistant Vice President of Claims."

The two parts sellers rubbed their hands gleefully. They had almost made it. More money was requested to finish the work.

Finally, the Assistant Vice President of Claims received the announcement that the two parts sellers had come to take all the orders needed to produce these new parts.

"Come in," the Assistant Vice President of Claims ordered. Even as they bowed, the two parts sellers pretended to be holding a large roll of orders from other insurance companies.

"Here it is, your Highness, the result of our labor," the parts sellers said. "We have worked night and day, but at last the most inexpensive and beautiful parts in the world are ready for you. Look at the many parts we've built and feel how fine they are."

Of course, the Assistant Vice President of Claims did see many of the details that were different. And he thought if these parts look different maybe the quality or thickness of the steel or the strength of the welds or the weight of the parts or the shape of the edges might also be different. He panicked. They were different! But luckily he then remembered the low price. And that nobody could know that he did see these problems or they would find out he was stupid and incompetent. The Assistant Vice President of Claims didn't know that everybody else around him thought the very same thing. No one wanted to admit that they were stupid or incompetent!

Once the parts sellers had taken the orders, they gleefully began making up new acronyms for the parts as fast as they could, using every letter in the alphabet, and calling them Certified and Golden and Platinum and Diamond and Plus and Standar, all while pretending to take more and more orders from every insurer in the land.

"Your Highness, you'll have to give us your blessing and make all of your subjects use these parts so we can continue to build them," they told the Assistant Vice President of Claims.

The two parts sellers began putting the parts in boxes with fancy writing, using all of the words and acronyms they'd made up. The Assistant Vice President of Claims was embarrassed but since none of his bystanders were, he felt relieved.

"Yes, these are beautiful parts and the prices are low and it will save us a lot of money," the Assistant Vice President of Claims said trying to look comfortable. "You've done a fine job."

"Your Majesty," the Senior Claims manager said, "we have a request for you. All of our people have found out about this extraordinary cost-saving measure and they are anxious to see you with your new parts."

The Assistant Vice President of Claims was worried about showing himself with these parts to the people, but he abandoned his fears. After all, no one would see the differences except the ignorant and the incompetent.

"All right," he said. "I will grant the people this privilege." He summoned his carriage and a ceremonial parade was formed. A group of dignitaries whose titles were Claims Auditors and Re-inspectors walked at the very front of the procession and anxiously scrutinized the faces of the people in the street. All the people had gathered in the main square, pushing and shoving to get a better look. Applause welcomed the regal procession.

As the Assistant Vice President of Claims passed, a strange murmur rose from the crowd. Then everyone began to say (loudly enough for the others to hear):

"Look at the Assistant Vice President of Claims' new parts. They're beautiful, but most of all, they're inexpensive!"

"What a marvelous idea!"

"I have never seen anything like it in my life!"

All the while, they were trying to conceal their disappointment when they saw all the problems and differences with these parts. But no one was willing to admit his own stupidity and incompetence; they all behaved as the two parts sellers had predicted, all driven by the beauty of the low prices.

But one former body man, now an appraiser, who had no important job and could only see things as his eyes, training and common sense showed them to him, went up to the carriage.

"The parts are crap," he said.

"Fool!" his boss reprimanded, running after him. "Don't talk nonsense!" He grabbed this former body man and took him away. But the body man's remark, which had been heard by other people with common sense was soon being repeated over and over again until everyone cried out, "The parts are junk! The Assistant Vice President of Claims is an idiot! It's true!"

By this time the Assistant Vice President of Claims realized that the people were right but could not admit to that. He though it better to continue the procession under the illusion that anyone who could see these problems were either stupid or incompetent. So he stood stiffly on his carriage, while behind him a large truck held his junk parts on display.

Shortly thereafter he announced his retirement. He was immediately replaced by a new Emperor who, within the first hours of his coronation, was visited by the parts sellers with new promises, new names and new certifications for their parts. The new Emperor couldn't contain his excitement and immediately agreed to a new long-term contract!

And everyone lived happily ever after except his neighbor's beautiful daughter and several people in every city whose faces were rearranged in carriage accidents when their airbag deployment timing was altered by these parts. They now breathe through their mouths and snore a lot when they sleep.

The End

– Al Most is a shop owner who believes in the power of satire but is sure this won't make even a dent in how some people view (or admit they view) parts.